I’ve been having trouble sleeping lately. Maybe I just like being up when no one else is. I like the exclusivity. Maybe I’ve got too much on my mind and my worries are keeping me up. It just doesn’t seem natural to go to bed before 3 am. Some of these nights have held adventures and fun times, however I am starting to settle in on the “perpetually bored teenager” stereotype. As much as kids say they hate school, I find myself thinking the opposite. I can’t wait to go back to being perpetually busy and last-minute and wonderfully distracted. I miss seeing my family at school each day. There’s just an energy that cannot be replicated outside of the walls. Like were all suffering through something together, and can make the day just that little much better for each other by talking and laughing in the halls before class. Looking back, those are some of my fondest memories. As much as I say I wish I was heading to university this year, I doubt I could’ve handled it. I need one last year to make memories with these people. I know it’ll be different, a lot of lasts with the new focus being a lot of firsts. I’ve been told to simultaneously relax and enjoy while also working my ass off. There’s a lot of that these days.
I hope this year is a perfect representation of what I am leaving behind. Not to close myself off, but to find closure in knowing that these will not be the people I am best friends with forever, but that they do hold importance in my life. In this, I will not be disappointed when relationships end and change and evolve. I love these people more than I can express, but 12 months from now I will be leaving them to have new adventures and meet new people. Hundreds of new people to choose from, or if I’m lucky, they will choose me. I’ve thought about this quote I saw on tumblr a lot lately; “Most of the people you meet from ages 18-22 will be temporary”. Its a lot. A lot of big changes. You shouldn’t feel restricted by your old self or old friends. Through this transitional time the biggest accomplishment for me will be constantly learning, outside of classrooms. When I come back after that first term to my “high-school bedroom” back to my town, I will have changed immeasurably. I may not even be recognizable to people who have remained in the same state of mind since I left. But I will not be the same. And I’ve come to realize that I’ve never heard anything more terrifyingly thrilling.